On the night that you were born….
November 25th. I had spent the entire day walking the dogs, scrubbing the floors and bouncing on my birth ball. After a quiet dinner with daddy we decided to cuddle up in the bed with our puppies and watch a movie. We decided on Mad Max Fury Road (trés exciting). In the last scene of the movie I started having stronger contractions than usual. Once the credits hit the screen I felt a gush of fluid (like I had started my period, ya know). Standing in the bathroom I realized I had started bleeding quite a lot. My legs started shaking and I couldn’t collect my thoughts. I kept trying to wipe the blood up. Calls were made to the doctor followed by my husband rushing around gathering our hospital belongings. He knew I was in shock and had to help me get dressed. I timed my contractions on the way to the hospital. They started at five minutes apart and continued that way through the entire birth.
We arrived in triage and were admitted after an ultrasound confirming that my membrane had ruptured. I just kept thinking “you can’t be serious”. I had big plans for a natural birth but hadn’t ever imagined my water would break so early. So, Infection was a concern now. I walked around the ward twice before they pumped me full of pitocin. Immediately my nature birth was over. I labored for 12 hours on pitocin with the help of my husband and support of my mother & sister. I couldn’t look anyone in the face. All I could hear was my breathing. I clenched my jaw and tried to fight the pain. I knew it went against everything I had prepared myself for. I knew what I should have been focusing on, relaxing, positive visualization, but every fiber of my body rejected it. I submitted to the exhaustion and with an epidural labored the next 11 hours. I had been awake for 36 hours. Time was nonexistent the days blended together and finally I was fully dialated.
Staring into my husbands eyes, our hearts full of excitement I began pushing. An hour later our sweet baby boy joined the world. With a full moon in the sky my son was born At 12:17 am on November the 26th. He weighed 6lbs and 9oz. He was 20.5 inches long.
I was 40+3 and he was very small for a full term baby. After a brief moment in my arms he was whisk away. It killed me. I was disoriented and scared. Everyone left my side to surround the baby. They removed a great deal of fluid from his lungs, he was limp and still hadn’t cried yet. It felt like an eternity as I helplessly watched him from my hospital bed. My husband held our baby’s tiny hand. Our son improved after a few minutes and I was finally able to hold and nurse him. Since he was small in weight and longer than normal in length he was having a difficult time regulating his temperature. He also was struggling with low blood sugar which was being monitored before feedings.
The next morning he was transferred to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. My husband and I were devestated and completely freaked out. He was under observation for his blood sugar and placed under a heat lamp to keep his temperature regulated. I nursed him every hour or two. I pumped after feedings in a desperate attempt to produce milk to sustain his blood sugar. After a day and a half he was released back to the postnatal floor with us, which was such a relief. I mean relief is putting it lightly. My milk came in that night, it was such a gift. The entire situation began to turn around.
Now we are home, calm & cozy. We are enjoying all of the sweet moments together. Every little look, every tiny sound and all of the sweet snuggles. I wish it would never end. Our lives are so full of love and light now that our son Julian is here with us.